27.11.06

Technological advancements in lettuce harvest technology.

A lot has been made recently of news out of the Middle East that the Iranians have developed a new lettuce harvesting technique that would improve the quality and quantity of salad bars by (on average 37%). Some may be curiously disinterested in this and may look to other shocking Iranian developments, such as gravity defying torpedoes (no joke!). But this is misguided paranoia and I strongly encourage you to reconsider.

Time bombs tick…
Ticks tell time…
Time flies…
Flies are pests…
Ticks are pests…
Pets are pests…

Forever isn’t long enough to forget that time when I was a child and was attacked by brain sucking ticks. Tick-tock.
It wasn’t really that bad. It was slightly inconvenient.
Like Borat being sold out and being forced to sit through An Inconvenient
Truth.
Not that that happened.
That never happens.

A lot of things never happen.
I got a job today.
I got fired today.
I got told I was an ugly sunufabitch today.
To defend my undefended honour I got a library card.
I lost my library card.
If you see a library card that says “Gilmore Tuttle – Reader” please return to sender.

Send out for the mail.
The male.
The make. Model. Mascot.
Drummers in rock n’ roll bands are dimes for dozens.
Ticks.
Tocks.
Wall mounted clocks set 10 minutes fast so we are never late.
We are always late.

Halliburton is an easy target.
It is their own fault.

It is all my fault.
I slept without a swim cap.
Without nose plugs.
Without nostrils.
Without an eye on the prize.
Without an eye on details.
I lied about Iran.
Apologies.

Lettuce.
Yum.
Yum.
Roughage.
Ruffians.
Russian hockey playing bears on a barnstorming tour of small towns near real barns.
Clive.

Google it.

Anagrams.
Cardiograms.
Candy-grams.
Stripper-grams.
21 Grams.
Graham Cracker Crunch.
Crunch.
CRUNCH.

Tick.
Tock.

This sucks.

Stop reading.
Stop.
STOP.

Good.












Photo of lettuce harvest borrowed from HERE

Photo of insect incest love borrowed from HERE

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