3.12.06

Five-Dollars in Quarters.


What does five-dollars in quarters buy you these days? Not an awful lot. A pepperoni pizza from Little Caesars, but then you need five-dollars worth of Pepto-Bismol to deal with the nausea, heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion, and/or diarrhea. You can score AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #74 from Ebay for $4.99 at this very instant. But by the time you read this is will probably be bid up to more than five-dollars and you will be out of luck. But tonight I discovered what five-dollars in quarters will get you. Five-dollars in quarters will get you membership into the Progressive Conservative Alliance of Alberta. King Ralph's party.

I was not greeted by handshakes or hearty "Welcome to the Partys." I was simply lauded for my greatness and given a parade. A Christmas parade complete with Christmas Pirates. Christmas Pirates and gawdily-lit old folks in their Sunday best on a Saturday night shortly after dark while the four-by-four trucks sat idling in the snow banks with their lights off while the Garden Store Christmas Pirates and Christian School Nativity Snowmen and something I am fairly certain
had to do with Santa and Frosty's gay marriage. You heard it here first.

Participation under protest I suppose. Show up as they are ready to leave. Pay membership dues with a fist full of quarters. Don't say much or look too enthused. Produce a heavily stamped passport as your second piece of photo ID. Be everything they are not. Think everything they don't. Stand for everything that keeps them up at night. Vote against the bad guy, their guy, and come home to good news.

On the night that FUTURE CREATURE made its presence felt two brothers--one in a touque one in a cap--alternated playing songs they'd written in their respective bedrooms down the hall from one another and a Bruce Springsteen cover. The brother in the touque explained to the smattering of rig pigs on their night off in town to get pissed
and play pool and the handful of rock n' roll hopefulls whose bands were to play songs they'd written in their respective bedrooms that he'd written his first overtly political song about Ted Morton. Be-touqued brother had taken what he called "poetic licence" and sang a song about a "whore-mongering meth-head" Morton. At one point he crooned, "Ted Morton is really gross."

Participation under protest.

I suppose.

Addendum: Ted Morton was deemed gross. As was corporate loverboy Jim Dinning. Leaving us with daffy farmer Steady Eddie Stelmach. Who, upon his victory, claimed "nice guys do finish first." Can someone be a self-proclaimed nice guy? Is that allowed? If so I will take some of that.

1 comment:

TBRasmussen said...

murray morgan, truck or tractor?

p.s. well done on the passport jab. i bet you were the only person in the room who has been to romania.